Happiness and Achievement

This past weekend, I attended a little thing called the Econome conference.

This is a diverse gathering of people who are all interested in personal finance, financial independence specifically. There were some incredible mainstage speakers, and a dizzying array of topics available in afternoon breakout sessions.

One breakout session named “Great, I retired early. Why aren’t I happier?” (Mediated by Doulas Tsoi of the School of Financial Freedom) caught my attention. I entered into a room with people of all different ages and walks of life. As the seats in the narrow classroom filled up, people squeezed in at the back of the room.

The class was less direct instruction and more of a casual conversation about the idea of happiness after achieving your goals. In this case, the goal was financial independence.

The discussion turned from talking about money to the deeper issues of human existence.

When I was still working, l was so used to being in a state of constant achievement. Having goals and reaching them was a pattern I had developed early on…in fact it’s what allowed me to become a dentist in the first place. After that, my goal setting allowed me to reach all kinds of things. But never, it seemed, happiness.

In fact, the people in this meeting were all achievers just like me. All used to the same pattern.  

Someone pointed out that achievement is just like any other addiction. High achievers become disillusioned after reaching goals because they are addicted to the process of achievement. In order to keep feeling good, they need to go on to the next thing.

Another person (I believe it was Doc G) pointed out that many people will try to find their purpose and get stuck in a “purpose trap”. Finding a purpose can still be an external achievement-oriented thing.

We kept talking it out, and then the instructor pointed out that so much of what we were discussing had to do with our relationship with ourselves. That perhaps the key to our unhappiness is not about finding something outside of ourselves, but rather, going within.

Bingo.

After so many years of being frustrated, no matter how many goals I achieved or boxes I checked, this was exactly the thing I was finding out. In order to access enduring happiness or a state of contentment, I had to grapple with myself. I had to sit in stillness. I had to become familiar with my thoughts. I had to get curious about what’s driving my behavior and my need to keep achieving.

In fact, for any of us to get beyond perpetual striving, we all have to get more curious.

Are we achieving for the sake of achievement, or are we shifting into a place of contentment, peace and greater meaning?

We couldn’t and didn’t answer any of these questions during our short time together in class. But I do think this discussion gave us all more depth of perspective.

So many people show up to the financial independence movement looking to solve all of the problems in their lives. To a great extent, figuring out how to manage money and be prepared for the future can solve a lot of problems. But not all of them.

Beyond personal security and lifestyle design always come the bigger questions. And I’m glad that I was in a room full of people leaning in and trying to answer them.

After the event, I kept thinking how grateful I am to be part of a community no longer worried about their basic needs. People who are thinking about true meaning. People who are able to serve the world instead of trading their hours for a paycheck.

Each of us is different, unique in our own way. And, if we can set aside achievement for the sake of achievement, if we can go within and acknowledge that we are indeed worthy without the need to achieve, we might collectively make the world a much better place.

And I’m willing to bet that’s where we find enduring happiness.