Books I Love: Build the Life You Want
This blog, by and large, is here to contemplate how to find happiness. I like books that provide easy and accessible ways to engage with this idea.
The book Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier is great for this exact reason. It is a collaboration between Oprah and Arthur C. Brooks. She brings her experience talking to every type of person on her show. He brings his expertise in the research on happiness.
Oprah begins the book with a keen observation: people have no idea how to define happiness. Despite not knowing what happiness is, we want more of it. We want it for ourselves. We want it for our kids. But if asked to get really granular on what happiness actually is…we just can’t put our finger on it.
Which, is part of the problem.
One of the major strengths of this book is in Arthur C. Brooks’ ability to clearly define what happiness actually is. This makes it an essential primer for learning how to get more of it.
An exercise in the book that I felt was particularly helpful was called the PANAS (the Positive and Negative Affect Schedule). It’s a quick questionnaire to narrow yourself down into a basic category. Your category can show you how you typically respond to things. Having this information is helpful to see your natural happiness levels and where there is room for improvement.
One of the more surprising things in this book about happiness was the notion that happiness should not be your actual goal. Wait, what? There is a paradox that exists; chasing happiness leads to less of it. Which runs counter to much of how modern western culture is set up. People are actually happier with little bits of hardship
As I read on through this book, I found page after page of helpful ideas. One concept is called “metacognition” which is to say: thinking about what you are thinking about. As a meditator, this is something I was introduced to as a type of meditative practice to do throughout the day. It is taking stock of the thoughts that run through your mind, and questioning them as needed. Taking the time to breathe through negative emotions, a person can switch to choosing more positive emotions.
This book is packed with helpful information about cultivating friendships/community, taking the focus off of the self, and finding intrinsic (rather than extrinsic) value in the work that you do.
The positive message of the book is that we can all choose a happier existence. But we can’t get there by chasing after it. Rather we can make choices everyday that cultivate greater happiness. There are great stories that capture the essence of the message, making the concepts more memorable and accessible.
It is an easy read, with great storytelling. Whether you read the book or listen to the audiobook (I’ve done both), I think you’ll find it helpful on your path towards greater happiness.
